R.I.P., motherfucker

breaking news from JMWT headquarters in Austin, TX:

last night, one huge motherf'ing cockroach met his untimely demise in the bedroom of yours truly. his death was marked by a yell of "OMG! you're still here! and you're in my BEDROOM! oh hells naw DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT DIE!" he met his little roach-ly maker when he fell victim to the cruel surprise of a heavy magazine falling from above. his remains are now entombed in the carpet underneath the comforting embrace of two magazines and five hardback volumes of harry potter, where he will remain until JMWT can pluck up the courage to lift said magazines + heavy volumes of harry potter in order to dispose of his squished carcass.

it must be noted that the country of Canada was valiantly represented in this battle extraordinaire by Toronto representative Paula Major, who is staying chez hotel JMWT and played a critical role when she helped move the dresser out of the way and later stomped around on top of the magazines to ensure that the roach was indeed dead.

kinda gives a whole new meaning to "earning your keep," no?

(confidential to the visitors who will be staying with me this wknd + anyone else that has ever considered visiting me: I promise you that this is not standard practice at hotel JMWT. please don't let this deter you from coming to visit me. I'm a great hostess, I promise! I'll take you jogging on the trail, I'll feed you breakfast tacos, we'll drink margaritas and go for all-you-can-eat-BBQ, okay?)

GROSS

so I have updates on NYC (awesome, ate a ton of food, my friends rock), work (drama, busy), and life (am thinking about making some Big Decisions), but instead, I feel compelled to tell you about the run-in that I had last night.

it was a COCKROACH, y'all. but not just any cockroach. it was a cockroach that, I shit you not, was ALMOST AS LONG AS MY INDEX FINGER. possibly even longer. and I have really long fingers, dudes.

*hunches over in corner to sob dramatically*

I armed myself with various tools (a heavy magazine, an empty plastic cup, a Q-tip, a blow dryer to blow him out of tough corners) and kept psyching myself up for the job ("he's just a BUG, you little pansy! he's more scared of you than you are of him! just catch him already and flush him down the toilet! stop being such a GIRL!"). serious combat ensued for about 20 minutes, but much like the gecko from a few wks ago, the cockroach escaped unscathed. the key difference was that I was sad to see the gecko go, whereas the sneaky departure of the cockroach freaked me the fuck out. is it like termites, where one cockroach means there are a billion other little friends hiding behind the walls? or is he just one adventurous little fucker who decided to check out the decor in my bathroom? WHAT IS WRONG with him that he is so abnormally large??

I texted my friend Kelly in a panic and she reminded me that cockroaches don't like light. you can bet your ass that I totally slept with the light on last night.

*whimper* someone come save me. Texas is crawling with creepy-crawlies, y'all.

nothing like a 4:45 wake-up call to start your day right

I'm in the lovely NY/NJ area for the next few days to attend a few biz meetings + re-unite with some beloved pals. y'all be good while I'm gone and I'll be back at you soon.

my wknd, or, what $150 + living in austin will get you

jen's very lazy* 2007 ACL lineup:

friday
joss stone (entertaining)
M.I.A. (great show)
gotan project (new one for me-- v. sexy argentinian band by way of paris)
bjork (love how weirdly unique she is)
killers (surprisingly good)

saturday
damien rice (super intense)
indigo girls (always good)
arcade fire (freaking amazing)

sunday
regina spektor/amos lee (preferred amos lee)
wilco (very good, I didn't know them that well before)
the decemberists (victims of crappy sound system)
bob dylan (historic but his voice is shot to hell)

*lazy means that I wasn't hard core enough to spend the entire day there. had I been more hard core this list would have been much, much longer but hey, I was happy with this list.

i just met bill clinton!

i shook his hand! we chatted!

he is taller and trimmer than expected. thick grayish hair that is quickly getting very white.

he has some serious charisma. i wanted to ask for a pic but i chickened out.

i am all distracted now.

greeted me in my shower this morning

do you think Geico managed to sneak him in there somehow in order to remind me that 15 minutes could save me 15% or more on car insurance? that would be some impressive direct marketing.

(man I am such an ad geek, wtf)

more lazy blogging

it's raining cats and dogs here in Austin today, and let me tell you, this is one city that does not know how to drive in the rain. it's WATER people! leave a little bit more space between you and the car in front of you, turn on your wipers, decrease your speed by 5-10 mph and MOVE THE FUCK ON ALREADY. I mean really.

can you tell that I'm in a bit of a bad mood? sorry. I worked a 12-hour day yesterday, slept badly (I woke up in the middle of the night to gulp down half of a bottle of ice-cold water. perhaps my default pho noodle place is a bit heavy-handed with the MSG? eh, I don't care, I love that shit anyway) and then had to wake up early for an 8 am international conference call (damn European time differences) and have been running around like a madwoman ever since. also, I have been abusing parentheses left and right. am a horrible person. but heck, I love those curvy little bitches, what can I say (is it strange that I referred to parentheses as curvy little bitches? can you tell that I only asked that question so I could use parentheses? if so, YOU'RE ONTO ME! mwa ha ha)...

...which means that you're pretty much stuck with more pictures to entertain you at work today. sorry. I'll try and have more good posts soon... perhaps as stories about my upcoming ACL adventures. I'll also try and stop having coke zero for breakfast. it seems to have a negative impact on the sanity of my writing.

as for the pics: more images of my recent jaunt to f'burg. they are known for colorful characters, a heavy German influence, peaches, small-town kitsch, and wine (well, TX wine anyway).

alas, blogger and/or my network is being a fart. more pics at another time...

*EDITED TO ADD* okay, so I realized that part of my overall misery is that I stupidly decided to wear a really uncomfortable bra to work today, and it is driving me crazy. arggh.

**EDITED AGAIN TO ADD** I decided to go free-ball it and just go to the bathroom to remove said offending article of clothing. or undergarments. or whatever. am wearing two shirts so no one will be offended by some unexpected nippage. brilliant plan, yes? well yes. I am feeling much better albeit rather free and breezy. only: once the Deed was Done, I went to wash my hands and as I energetically pumped the soap dispenser some soap totally splooged out and landed on my shirt. it looked... bad. like a very There's Something About Mary kind of bad. I scrubbed it out, but still.

sigh. can I go home now?

texan adventures

sorry for the lack of posts lately. I've been busy @ work (nothing like a trip to/from San Francisco in less than 24 hours to keep you on your toes, eh?) as well as feeling rather uninspired about the whole blogging thing... just feels impressively lame.

but for now, I have some pictures of my recent adventures to distract you while I decide whether I want to continue with this silly little blog o'mine. these are pics from a day trip down to Fredericksburg, TX. we stopped in a little vineyard/lavender farm along the way, stomped on some grapes, hung out in the town, poked around the shops, and then ended the evening with a beautiful sunset and gourmet dinner.

TX hill country... it may not be Napa, but it's worth a visit...

all the news that's fit to print

I'm not a big CNN.com fan, but I will do a quick review of the headlines once in a while to stay up to date on what's important and news-worthy.

today's headline: "men want hot women, study confirms"

wow, you don't say...

apparently women tend to play it safe:
Women made offers to men who had overall qualities that were on a par with the women's self-rated attractiveness. They didn't greatly overshoot their attractiveness," Todd said, "because part of the goal for women is to choose men who would stay with them."

bah humbug, I say. pick the hottest guy in the room and go for it, "scientific evidence" be damned!