Thursday, September 27, 2007

R.I.P., motherfucker

breaking news from JMWT headquarters in Austin, TX:

last night, one huge motherf'ing cockroach met his untimely demise in the bedroom of yours truly. his death was marked by a yell of "OMG! you're still here! and you're in my BEDROOM! oh hells naw DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT DIE!" he met his little roach-ly maker when he fell victim to the cruel surprise of a heavy magazine falling from above. his remains are now entombed in the carpet underneath the comforting embrace of two magazines and five hardback volumes of harry potter, where he will remain until JMWT can pluck up the courage to lift said magazines + heavy volumes of harry potter in order to dispose of his squished carcass.

it must be noted that the country of Canada was valiantly represented in this battle extraordinaire by Toronto representative Paula Major, who is staying chez hotel JMWT and played a critical role when she helped move the dresser out of the way and later stomped around on top of the magazines to ensure that the roach was indeed dead.

kinda gives a whole new meaning to "earning your keep," no?

(confidential to the visitors who will be staying with me this wknd + anyone else that has ever considered visiting me: I promise you that this is not standard practice at hotel JMWT. please don't let this deter you from coming to visit me. I'm a great hostess, I promise! I'll take you jogging on the trail, I'll feed you breakfast tacos, we'll drink margaritas and go for all-you-can-eat-BBQ, okay?)

9 Comments:

At 10:47 AM, Blogger L Sass said...

Those Canadians are vicious killers!

 
At 11:40 AM, Anonymous kat said...

wow...if you hadn't added in the all you can eat bbq part, it maaaay have deterred me from visiting. :)

ok. don't freak out. you're not going to freak out right? ok. so, most exterminators (i know a few...what?) say that you shouldn't stomp on a cockroach because if it is a mama cockroach, then you will just spread it's eggs and they'll hatch and...

don't kill the messenger!

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger jen said...

kat: i haitchoo.

 
At 12:47 PM, Anonymous Paula said...

Ewwwwww baby roaches. ICK. (i seriously just got shivers all over my body thinking about it)!! May I suggest we leave the big bugger under there (no pun intended) for at least a few more days to make sure he's dead?

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Raymond said...

the funniest thing would be if you move all the books and there's nothing underneath. NINJA COCKROACH!

 
At 1:11 PM, Blogger jen said...

dude, that is so not funny. what the hell is wrong with you people- kat and raymond, you are so on the black list.

 
At 8:35 PM, Anonymous Will said...

You are such a badass. I did not know that about you.

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger Erica said...

what if it was not a big cockroach, but an ASSASSIN BEETLE??

And then?? :)

 
At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Megan said...

YUCK!!! I house sat once for a month, two weeks in I came home at night and flipped on the switch and all I saw were dozens of cockroaches darting out of the way. I totally freaked out! They were on all of the floors so I kept all of the lights on every night. I couldn't get in touch with the homeowners so I tried all of the different roach motels etc... but nothing worked, so the homeowners came home to nasty home with scary bugs!

 

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