Thursday, August 03, 2006

navel-gazing

lately i've been overcome by an incredible sense of laziness. maybe it's all the biz travel, maybe it's the overwhelming heat (although i hear you humidity-soaked east coasters are suffering just as badly), maybe it's the craziness at work, maybe i'm just overly picky about friends... i don't know. i knew that in moving to a new city, i'd have to exert some effort to meet new people and be open-minded about the new people instead of just expecting them all to be incredibly fabulous off the bat. but lately it just feels like staying put in my air-conditioned apt after a long day and curling up with my latest netflix rental and a big glass of wine is a lot more appealing than putting myself out there and smiling at people that i may or may not like.

...which works great for a few nights, and then suddenly some interior "OLD LADY WITH LOTS OF CATS, gah gah gah" alarm goes off in my head and bang! i get out there immediately and start socializing with people willy-nilly, meeting people at the pool, talking to people over martinis, going to after-work happy hours, calling my neighbor, etc. it's an odd balance of wanting time alone and time to unwind with time to be adventurous and time to seek out new and sometimes unnerving experiences. i suppose this is what your 20s are for? but what does that mean, anyway? your "20s?" i know plenty of 20-something people who barely have the brain cells required to tie their own shoes, let alone balance a checkbook or hold down a successful job. yet i also know other 20-somethings who've decided to take the plunge and commit to marriage and the possibility of kids.

so what does this mean for the rest of us that fall somewhere in the middle? "your 20s" seems like such a limiting term, yet it's something that can mean such different things to different people. i guess you could say it's a phase of your life when you figure out what's right for you and you do it -- whether that means changing jobs every year until you find one that you're good at and also makes you happy, ir going back to school, or settling down to start a family, or getting wasted every night until you figure out that maybe that's not such a good idea, and or just going around making plenty of mistakes and doing your best to pick up the pieces every time and move on.

it's just an odd time of flux, i suppose. one that leads to conflicting ideas and circular conversations and that crazy double-bond of adulthood (whee! i can do what the fuck ever i want!... oh shit, rent, 401k, school loans, and bills).

anyway, i have to go. i have to hurry up and finish working so that i can go satisfy both sides of my personality with a very social after-work happy hour and some very anti-social vegging out at home...

2 Comments:

At 6:23 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Excellent post, my dear! I've been feeling much the same way lately... and tonight I am happy to admit I am having a very antisocial wine and movie night. Every once in a while, a "twenty something" needs to relax...with herself!

 
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