in which i come clean

a new friend i made in austin told me that i come across as a very composed person -- the type of person who can always come up with some witty response and react to whatever you throw my way without losing my cool. but i am here to tell you that while yes, it is true that i am generally the shit, this is not always the case (i know, i know, try to contain your shock).

because i know you all will love me despite the stupid things i sometimes do, and because i like to entertain you -- i hereby present you with two very recent occasions in which i was not exactly the smooth operator you usually know me to be.

STORY #1: OH-SO-PROFESSIONAL
on monday i wore jeans and a white button-down shirt to work. classic, eh? i tried to make it somewhat interesting by adding a turquoise-bead necklace (totally fake plastic bead type things... what's up banana republic jewelry). i hadn't worn that particular white shirt in a while, but it was the only white button-down that was clean and relatively unwrinkled, and that's what i was in the mood to wear, damn it. it was during a small one-on-one meeting with my BMW boss that i was quickly reminded why this shirt is not in frequent rotation. i happened to look down and found that the button across my chest was completely unbuttoned and that my shirt was practically half-off... which, ok, may be a slight exaggeration, but what with the fact that i had intentionally left the top buttons undone to show off my fabulous necklace the sudden opening of that crucial breast-restraining third button was quite risque (must have been my magnanimous breasts... umm... right... i'll just keep telling myself that). he and i had been embroiled in a serious discussion about BMW's decision to bring the 1-series to the united states and how we should be preparing for the advertising campaign that will introduce it, and i'm sure i was earnestly making some point or another when i noticed Mr. Rogue Button With A Mind Of Its Own (or is it Miss Rogue Breasts With Minds Of Their Own?). i had paused in horror during the earnest speech when i noticed what had happened, so i had no choice but to quickly laugh it off with some lame joke about how that's not good protocol for a meeting, button up, and keep on talking. i think he laughed politely at my weak joke and kindly pretended it had never happened, but i was most definitely mortified.

smooth, huh?

STORY #2 will have to wait, because that story took longer than i expected to tell, and i really have to get back to work now.

oh the suspense!