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attention, people! major news in the story of my apt!

in addition to my recently-acquired television and DVD player, i am now the proud owner of... wait for it... waaaaait for it....

TWO NEW PIECES OF FURNITURE!! (and the crowd goes wild!) that's right, folks, it's true! today i purchased a beauteous coffee table and dining set. the coffee table was a craig's list find, purchased by a seller named darral (actual spelling). he was interesting to say the least. he lives up in round rock, which is where dell is headquartered. tall, kinda lanky black guy with a hint of a southern accent. firm handshake, friendly smile - i later found out that he works in sales for dell and was completely unsurprised. interesting house, too - brand new, beautifully decorated, no detail overlooked. yet how do i describe this house? a series of contradictions, perhaps. his dining room had a beautiful mahogany dining table and chairs - yet the wall featured a framed houston jersey and a mounted baseball bat. the kitchen had a nice table and intricate tiling and matching canisters for dry goods - and a big jar of protein powder in the corner. the living room had matching leather sofas and a coffee table/end table set - and some prominently-displayed nascar flags. the garage held a shiny white corvette and a million different tools - and a huge honkin' truck. clearly he's a young-ish dude who makes decent money and has nice taste but can't quite let go of the texas man in him.

but i digress. so yes, said coffee table is a deep espresso color and is rectangular in shape with a shelf underneath for sundry items. i lub it. as for the table - i have been hunting for a table for weeks and was resigned to either buying an ugly cheap one on craig's list or forking over the cash for a decent table - but then i randomly found this website where it looked like they bought furniture wholesale and then sold it at discounted prices. the website was clearly like circa 1997 and had horrible graphics and poor navigation, but the furniture looked decent and reasonable.

once i had gotten directions from google maps (boo for mapquest, plus, have you all ever tried google text? holy crap i am so converted), i hopped back on the highway to head towards the strip malls. when i walked into the store, it was clear they didn't waste any money on stupid things like store decor or furnishings. furniture was scattered about willy-nilly, a group of couches here, a bedroom set there. the walls were dirty, the ground scuffed. the woman who sold me my table was named "toni." she had this brightly-dyed red hair and super heavy eyeliner. her professional outfit? was white gaucho pants, white sandals, and a pink knit top through which you could clearly see her bra and part of the tattoo on her left breast. all i could see was part of tigger from winnie the pooh and the words "these tiggers were made..." (for bouncing, i guess? i couldn't see the ending and could only surmise as much). what a place, dude. i mean really. signs everywhere saying "ALL SALES FINAL" and "INSPECT BEFORE BUY," all printed on neon 8.5x11 paper. i was honestly a bit concerned but got a great deal on a really decent table - also espresso, also rectangular, with matching chairs. i'm not going to lie, though - i am going to be sweating bullets a bit until that thing actually arrives at my apt - part of me wonders if they're just going to take my money and buy toni another tattoo that somehow manages to combine a sexual reference with a disney character... (maybe a big one on her ass that says these poohs were made for pinching?)