Monday, December 03, 2007

nocturnal musings

I don't know that much about dreams and I don't usually pay that much attention to them, but I remember reading somewhere that some people believe that dreams are useful because it helps your brain process things it couldn't necessarily process when you were awake. the article went on to say that many psychologists think that your dreams are helpful in providing insight into what's on your mind, whether consciously or subconsciously, and that you shouldn't fear weird/bad dreams because it's just your brain's way of processing different feelings and emotions. supposedly, the reason kids have such strong and vivid nightmares is that their brains have yet to develop the ability to deal with big things while they're awake and conscious, so the fact that kids tend to have more nightmares is just their nighttime brains trying to process things that their daytime brains have yet to understand... a theory that I found fascinating. in fact, one psychologist said that he encourages his patients to remember as much of their nightmares as possible because they might reflect the fears or concerns that your conscious brain can't 'fess up to and that when your overall mindset is one of stress or worry, your dream patterns are likely to reflect this.

given my dream patterns as of late, I can see some truth to this. I have been having crazy vivid dreams lately and a lot more nightmares than usual... some of impressive lameness and transparency, e.g. the one where I overslept for an important test. I mean come on, WTF, how lame is that? am I a character on some stupid teenage sitcom who oversleeps for the SAT or something? sounds like a deleted scene from the episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie Spano freaks out and pops pills because of the SATs. heh. anyway. so yeah, last night I had trouble falling asleep and was probably awake until about 2:30 or so... and then I woke up gasping around 4:30 am from a really strange nightmare. it had completely normal things in it (like family, or people who work at my office which, btw, always weirds me out... I find it really bizarre when work people show up in my dreams. it feels like they've crossed an uncrossable barrier of some sort) and then completely random things, like dark hallways and a PERSON WITH A WAND THAT WAS SAYING SECTUMSEMPRA, WTF (I haven't even been reading harry potter lately). the other night I dreamt that someone was in my room and woke up convinced that someone had just brushed their hand over mine and was trying to climb into my bed (needless to say, that one freaked me out a bit).

I'm pretty good at waking myself up from these dreams but then I usually find myself torn. a majority of me does not want to fall asleep right away because I'm not sure I want to delve back into those weird, dark dreams. this part of me wakes myself out of the dream and then gets out of bed to pee and have a glass of water before getting back into my bed. this part of me leaves the lamp on and tries to think positive thoughts until I feel safely rooted in the real world -- then and only then do I turn back over to re-enter dream world. but then there's another part of me that gets really curious and is all "but what does it all meeeeeeean." this other part of me wonders what magical neurological processes need to happen for me to tumble right back into that dark hole to see what I shall see. it's a strange decision process to have at 4:25 in the morning, that much is for sure.

anyway, the point of this post is to set up the fact that I kind of have a lot going on these days and that although I love you all I may not be posting very much. or, hell, who knows, maybe I'll be posting every three seconds to procrastinate and avoid the 1,425 other things I should be doing.

back to it, then. bring on the weird dreams! at least they make for interesting blog fodder. better than more posts about the weather (I totally wore shorts and a tank top and flip flop yesterday because it was 82 degrees and really hot okay the end HAHA to you suckers who are freezing).

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