whilst sailing to the bahamas...

a few thoughts on the future of america:

• if our people don't lose some serious weight and continue to look like beached whales while they sit out by the pool, then i should not have to look at them. not that i am some swimsuit model, but seriously? put that shit away. it's nasty. i'm not talking about a bit of cellulite here or a bit of a bulge there, i am talking about out-and-out, body parts that are so big that you can barely walk, who-knows-you-could-be-hiding-chicken-legs-in-those-rolls-of-fat type of fat. gross. and PLEASE, i bet of you, stop taking the bloody elevator to go up or down one deck. it's called the stairs. they're good for you, i promise.
• if our children don't stop being ridiculously obnoxious and irritating, i may not ever have any. so seriously. stop being unforgivably bratty and start behaving. apparently this week is teacher-week for the state of new jersey, and it seems like the entire under-16 population of the great state of new jersey has decided to sail with us this week and make it their sole purpose in life to irritate the hell out of me.
• if you've smoked to the point where your voice sounds like sandpaper and you can't complete an entire sentence without hacking a lung, you MIGHT want to think about that cigarette before you light up for the umpteenth time in one hour. i'm just sayin'. listening to you speak should not make me fear that your lungs are going to end up on the conference room table.

a positive note: you'll never guess who i encountered yesterday as we were leaving a work function in the pan-asian restaurant on-board. i had heard rumors that he was on this ship but had yet to see him, so i wasn't sure if the rumor held any truth. but yesterday, leaving the teppenyaki grill room in a blue track suit, i saw none other than the man in charge of "run's house," the reverend himself of run DMC fame. and when i said "hi, reverend" and gave him a tentative smile he nodded at me and said "bless you, child."

i've been blessed! by reverend run simmons himself!

and thus, my business trip becomes complete.