bite me atlanta

i'm back from a long wknd back home for the dugan/shelley wedding extravaganza, which went off without a hitch despite the last-minute change in venue and ass-cold weather... no thanks to the combined efforts of delta airlines and atlanta airport, both of which manage to screw me royally every time i make the frugal yet regrettable decision to use their services. am tired, behind at work, and have an apt that looks like a hippogriff stormed through it (you still reading these days M? thought you might like that one) yet am back in business here on blogger.com.

since i am a bit out of it, in lieu of a proper post, i give you two completely unrelated stories that have managed to amuse/befuddle me greatly in the recent past:

1. when we finally in austin last night around 1:10 a.m. (original landing time be damned), you could tell the passengers were all relieved to finally be home and antsy to get off the plane. of course, since i was sitting in the airplane equivalent of the nosebleeds (row 36, in case you were wondering), i had a while to wait and started looking around surreptitiously at my fellow passengers. there was a large, overfed woman in the next row over who had one of those obnoxiously loud voices that she can't seem to control despite the relative smallness of space and lack of buffer zone. as soon as we pulled up to the gate, her puffy white fingers pulled out her cell phone, punched a few buttons, and yelled (and i swear on all things that are holy) "hey bubba, where you at?" into the receiver. seriously. you can't make that shit up. i had to quickly turn away and face the window so that no one could see my attempts to control the laughter that was dying to escape me. "bubba, where you at" in a hick southern voice from an extremely large and loud woman at 1:10 a.m. is just freaking funny. no ifs, ands, or bubbas about it.
2. the other morning as i dragged myself out of bed and sleep-walked into the bathroom, i wearily splashed some cold water on my face in a desperate attempt to Wake Up And Get Going Already. i quickly brushed my teeth and reached into the medicine cabinet to get my contact lenses so i could see my way to the shower. when i opened the right side of the case and poked my finger in to retrieve the flimsy disc that would bring me vision, i saw a tiny, perfectly-formed little gnat reposing in the shallow water as if it was his relaxation pool and i was disturbing his zen moment. well, he was dead, so more rest-in-peace pool than relaxation pool, but still. it was a very odd sight to be confronted with in the wee hours of the morning when i am rarely at my best. a tiny part of me was all "ew, gross" but the majority was all "oh well, whatever, hopefully saline solution really does disinfect" and i stuck my finger back in there and deposited the gnatty lens into my poor unsuspecting eye.

and with that, i leave you and get back to work.